by Erica P.
Jedi Master why wish you become? Watching Star Wars much like Yoda’s speech it is.
Begin in middle you must, for if once you start down the dark path, forever
will it dominate your destiny. Consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan’s apprentice-
and a true Jedi Master (or lover of Star Wars) never may you become.
Ingredients:
Star Wars, Episode I:
The Phantom Menace
Star Wars, Episode II:
Attack of the Clones
Star Wars, Episode
III: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars, Episode IV:
A New Hope
Star Wars, Episode V:
The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars, Episode VI:
Return of the Jedi (1983 edition)
Star Wars, Episode
VII: The Force Awakens
TV
DVD/Blue Ray Player
**Optional: blanket,
dog(s), light saber
*Prepare viewing area either couch or recliner are best for
viewing, but a comfy spot on the floor will also work. DO
NOT VIEW IN BED.
Directions:
1.
Place Episodes
I, II, & III into small
basket. Leave in cases. Let sit until viewing of Episodes IV, V, & VI
are complete. *Jedi Master Tip: Place cell phone into this basket for optimal immersion into cinematic adventure.
2.
Once Episodes
I, II, & III are safely into
basket, place Episode IV: A New Hope
into correct player. *Don’t forget to remove all plastic. Get into desired movie viewing area (add
blanket and dogs if desired). Press Play. Do not leave seat for 125 minutes. NOTE:
The beginning music is LOUD! You may
want to turn the volume down slightly if sleeping babies are around. No need
for this if elderly visitors are watching with you, they know what is about to
happen. Also, the opening message is NOT a good time for a bathroom break, or
to be fighting with dogs about who gets to be comfortable- get that done EARLY!
3.
Go to bathroom BEFORE you get your phone. Wash
hands.
4.
Check on Episodes
I, II, & III in basket- DO
NOT take out of basket! You’re just making sure someone hasn’t moved them. This
is also a good time to check your phone.
5.
Congratulations! You just found Wookieepedia!! **Quick reference: those
were called Jawa and the planet’s name is Tatooine. Stop making Wookiee noises
at your dogs, they don’t understand what you’re saying.
6.
Set your alarm for whatever time you have to get
up tomorrow morning and then PUT YOUR PHONE BACK IN THE BASKET! There’ll be
time for Wookieepedia later. Besides,
canon has changed, Disney owns Star Wars now.
7.
Place Episode
V: The Empire Strikes Back into the dvd/blue ray player. Return to your
viewing area, push play. Yes, it is nearly impossible to watch A New Hope
without immediately watching The Empire
Strikes Back. Do not leave seat for
127 minutes.
8.
Go to bed. What you are experiencing right now
is not The Force, it’s just your feels, and you’re ALL in them. Ready are you for Return of the Jedi? What know you of ready? Adventure?
Excitement? A Jedi craves not these things! You are reckless! *Marinate
minimum of 18 hours before watching Return of the Jedi.
9.
PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN, Laser Brain! Wookieepedia will be there tomorrow! Control,
control, you must learn control!
10. Once
you’ve 1) come to terms with whether or not you hate Lando and 2) you’ve
decided if you think it would be cool to have Darth Vader as your father, it’s time to watch Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Repeat
Step 2, substituting RotJ for ANH.
Do not leave seat for 136 minutes.
11. You
may now begin watching all 7 episodes in order beginning with Episode I. **Caution: Episodes I, II, & III are the
onions of Star Wars: you may hate them, but they’re necessary to get the dish
just right.
**Best served binge watching on a rainy, cool weekend. Can
be repeated as many times as desired.
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